How I Survived a Romance Scam

I spent a lot of time in school studying Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.  A child is going to need all those basic needs met to learn and do their best.  They need to have their physiology needs met- food, water, sleep.  Then you can start to feel safe.  Safe because you have those basic needs met and then some. Safe because you have an income.  You feel safe because health and family and shelter.  I have spent most of my career filling in these needs as I can when they are not met. 

Then you start to feel belonging and needing relationships and love.  And it goes up from there.  I think that is where life gets more fun and all this higher order thinking happens in the classroom.

Well it turns out we all need those needs met to learn and do our best.  I have taken these for granted my whole life and now realize how quickly they go away.  The most basic of needs.  It is the floor coming out from under you like your safety being ripped away.  It is laying in bed watching the clock until it is time to get up for work in the morning.  It is the weight you feel constantly.  It is the lack of appetite while being very hungry.

And then once you to start to get those needs met again, it feels like nothing else.  The relief that can wash over is indescribable.  It feels like losing 50 lbs.  It feels like being loved unconditionally for the first time in your life.  It feels like so few things matter any more. Life becomes so much more complicated and simple at the same time.  It is a fascinating place to be.

Finding out how to meet those needs in this situation has been very eye opening.  Lets go back to the first level.

Sleeping, eating, breathing.  We do so much of this without much thought but they become the hardest thing ever on the worst day of your life.  Sleeping becomes something to get when you can- sometimes not enough and sometimes too much.  And it isn’t up to me.  Eating- oh right food, I need that.  Nothing sounds good or everything sounds good.  I have to set a timer to make sure I do it.  Breathing- becomes heavy and fast.  But then it becomes slow and controlled and feels like I can get back my power.

Then we move up to safety.  What a loaded concept.  Feeling safe is the most important thing in the world to me.  It is all I want.  That comes in a lot of forms.  It comes from the safety of knowing I have a roof over my head.  It comes from knowing that I have a job to go to that is an escape.  It comes from my dog keeping me company.  It is a phone call away now.  It no longer fuels outings and adventures.  It no longer comes from other people.  It no longer comes from my bank account.

Then it moves to love and belonging.  Isn’t this need what got me into this mess in the first place?  Yeah, and that is okay.  It is such a basic need that of course we can end up in some rough situations. And of course it is where people can prey.  It is something we all want and are willing to do anything for.  I grew up watching the Disney princesses waiting for the man to save the day that can do this all.  The rom coms of people willing to give up everything for love.  But it turns out it is that big of a need we have.  It is that crucial for our daily functioning. 

The rest of the pyramid…. I don’t even know anymore.  I don’t remember, I don’t have space to hold that.  It is just those basics for now and that is okay.