How I Survived a Romance Scam

I have a new favorite animal fact.  When a storm is coming, buffalo gather together as a herd and run towards that storm.  They have an animal instinct that tells them the best way to handle this is right through it.  And that instinct tells them it is best to do it altogether.

So that is what I am trying to do.  I am trying to gather my herd and run through the storm.  Judith Lewis Herman, an expert on trauma, has a three-step process for handling trauma.  First is to establish safety.  Next is to retell the story.  And last is to reconnect with others.  I can’t help but wonder why this is so similar to the instincts of the buffalo.  I don’t know how much a storm would be considered trauma but they establish safety together and do it.  I also can’t help but wonder why this can be so hard for humans.

It was not instinctual for me to retell my story and connect with others over it, but as I have done so, I feel like I can breathe again.  It isn’t a human’s first instinct to run through something that was the most embarrassing and difficult day of their life.  I would rather be like a cow and run away from it.  And I tried that for a while and that was not working.  But this, this has been working.

So this is how I am running through the storm.  I am establishing safety.  I am retelling my story, using my own words.  I am reconnecting with others. 

I am facing what happened.  I am not embarrassed or ashamed of what happened.  I am proud of how I have handled it.  I am proud of all the hard days that I have survived. I am getting up each day.  I am adjusting my meds as I need to.  I am continuing to take care of myself so I can do that.

And I feel like my herd has assembled themselves to protect me.  I have had family members send me texts to regularly remind me that I am not alone in this.  I have had kind people at the other end of phone calls ready to help.  Even my doctor the other day, when I went in to adjust meds, said he was so grateful he could be part of this healing journey for me.  It brought me to tears.  I had a childhood friend that I haven’t talk to in decades call me and tell me the worst days are over.  That I can do this. 

I do have to talk about this amazing nonprofit organization that has been the only ones that can help me.  It is called inCharge Debt Relief.  It turns out you need good credit to get a loan when you really need it or to get a line of credit. It also turns out that it is super hard to have good credit when have taken out loans that you can’t afford to make a hopeful yet fraudulent investment.  This is a vicious cycle in our world that prevents so many people from breaking it- another soapbox for another day I suppose.  So that lead to looking into everything and as my parents would say” we will turn over every rock.” This resulted in looking everywhere for any kind of help.  But here comes my family again saving to day.  They found this organization and vetted them for me.  And it was the first feeling of relief I had. They do incredible work and are so kind.  They were the first people that could really lay it all out for me.  They work with banks, credit unions, and credit cards to negotiate terms of a loan.  They have fought for me and have made a difference.  They are part of my herd.

I have an incredible work family that is part of my herd.  They keep me busy and establish safety for me.  They have kept things as normal as possible while also letting me navigate what I lovingly call my “trauma brain.”

And I can keep going and hope that my herd continues to grow.  I am not through the storm yet, but I think I see a glimpse of clear skies ahead.  So I will keep sharing.  And remember that people are good.