How I Survived a Romance Scam

A picture is worth a thousand words.  Heard it a million times but never stopped to think. Who gets to say those words? How different those words are for each person?  There is so much power in words.

It is a known fact that when you leave an abusive relationship and have been scammed, you try to control everything you can.  Any little bit helps, even having control over moving furniture or what food is in my fridge.  I want to tell people exactly what I need or make sure they have my permission before they do anything.  Putting words to my story has been the deep breath of fresh air I have needed.  It is a way for me to control what happened to me.  It is my story and I need not only tell it, but tell it using my words.

There are also new words that have power in my life… for good or bad these words are also part of my story… words I never expected…

Victim

Wire Fraud

Fraduluant investement

HELOC

Survivor

Love bombing

Gaslighting

Thriving

Betrayal

Exposed

Cyber abuse

Romance fraud

Reporting

Debt

Casualty/ Loss Deductable

Pig butchering

Confidence fraud

restitution

The other night I filled out an application for reparations for crime victims.  I had to look back in my notebook at info I collected.  I had to write a name and words down that I had not thought about consciously in weeks.  I sealed it up in the envelope and turned to my dad. “Well, there is another thing I can add to the list of things I would never do in my life.”

I never thought I would be in this situation.  Who does?  Don’t we all say, “It can’t be me.”  “That would never actually happen.”  We could go on and on about why it won’t happen to us. 

But it happened to me.

My life story now includes being a survivor of true crime.  I still can hardly believe that sentence as I write it.  It feels like it has to be someone else’s life.  It has got to be someone else’s life.  And I would be helping that person so much and cheering them on.  But now that it is me, I question my thoughts.  And the serverity of what happened.  Its true impact.  But then I try to find my 1,000 words.

I talked to a friend recently that has her own story of romance fraud.  The first thing she told me was that the hardest thing was to trust her own lived experiences.  It was like she read my mind.  Can you imagine walking around this world just not knowing what is real?  Questioning everything that has happened?  Not having a caliber to recalibarate to?

Well, let me tell you, it is not fun.  But words help.