How I Survived a Romance Scam

Impact- the action of one object coming forcibly into contact with another

Often, people know when this force might be coming. There might some kind of warning.  A light comes on in the airplane or an alarm sounds, all to try to lessen the force.  Or it is something we can prepare for when it does surprise us.  Drills, preparedness classes or purchases, insurance, there are a lot of things out there to lessen the blow of impact.  Weaken the force I suppose.  We also have several ways to measure the impact.  Like a seismograph or a collision test.  We feel better about the impact when we can do something to be ready for a force or when we can measure that force.  We need to quantify these kinds of things for ourselves.  Maybe it justifies our feelings.  Maybe we need that sense of “closure.”  Or we feel better about a tragedy when it can become a fact.

What happens when that force comes full on with no warning and a situation you could have never expected or prepared for.   And then it has no way to measure it.  This is a big variable when a crime is convicted and so victims write Victim Impact Statements.  They can write it and/or give it orally.  And it can be used to consider the sentencing and severity of a crime.  It is incredibly difficult to sit done and think of all the ways a crime has impacted you.  I am convinced that no one can count all the ways.  It is so overwhelming but so vital.  There are many seen and unseen impacts.  And rarely is it just the victim.  Those around them often feel that second hand trauma- including violation and targeted.  But this gives some way to learn from it to prepare and then to measure what happened. 

I have begun writing or at least trying to keep track of the impact of this event in my life.  It is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Maybe someday I can share it.  But I can say the impact is up, down and all around.  I see it every day.  I see it financially.  I see it physically. I see it mentally.  I see it emotionally. 

But I cannot seem to measure it.  It is not a fact yet for me, so then it becomes very subjective.  But the trouble with measuring the impact is that then we can compare events. In the science of it all, that becomes very important.  But for individuals, that can only make the impact greater.  I can’t compare what happened to me to anyone else’s events.  It is not harder or easier or anything –ier.  It is different.  The only measurement I can do is to myself.  The first week of November 202, none of this had happened, I hadn’t met Matt. And now, about four months later, I can see how this force has hit so hard.  It has moved into a totally different place. My surroundings are different.  The climate and weather is totally different.  I don’t know what units I would use, but this has moved me a far distance from where I was before.