How I Survived a Romance Scam

One of my comfort shows is Greys Anatomy.  Might be a weird choice to describe it as a “comfort” but Meredith Grey is an example of difficult thing after difficult thing but she keeps going.  But it not linear and it changes her and that is okay. And if you get past some of the ridiculous drama, there are narrations at the beginning and end of episodes that can really move you.  They could be embarrassingly life changing for me but I suppose I gave up embarrassment as a feeling a while ago.  And they talk about lots of “hard topics.”

There is an episode where she is attacked by a patient and cannot hear or talk for a while.  Here are her words at the end of the episode-

“Don’t let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice. So use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes. Just find your voice and when you do, fill the damn silence.”

From the moment I have told anyone my story, I have not been questioned one time.  You could say I have found my voice. I don’t think people realize what a relief that is and how rare that is.  I have not had the burden of convincing anyone that this is what happened to me. That is not to downplay the fear I felt telling it and still do.

But Victims aren’t believed all the time.

Why would someone make it up? Okay, okay, I know there could be some answers there but why give them any thought.

I thought I had gained some of my focus back but it turns out that still might be debatable.

Belief. Talking. Back on track.  The interesting part to me is that I have been believed for the event and then the aftermath, that is where it gets foggy. There is an incredible man in Utah referred to on social media as the Utah Rabbi.  He is just came out with a book of his own survivorhood.  He is very eloquent.  He was also a guest on my favorite podcast this last week.  He mentioned how there are things that survivors will never get sick of hearing.  I believe you. You are not alone. How are you?  Thinking of you.  So many people think oh they have probably heard that or family is covering that or that other friend will do that.  So what?  Can you say kind words too much?  Will you ever get sick of someone saying that nice thing or checking in on you?  Fill the damn silence.  Say it.  We need to say I believe you. And then we need to say…

I believe this is a real problem and we need to do something about it.  I believe this isn’t over for you but you can do it.  I believe when you say you are doing alright or okay, that you might not mean it.  I believe that when you don’t say much, it isn’t personal.  I believe that the pain you are in right now is very real pain, like a migraine or throwing out you back.

I have also been in many many places where I feel silenced by not being able to talk about things.  Now, of course there is a time and place.  I hope I haven’t lost all ability to read social cues.  And there is more to me than this event.  And sometimes I really don’t want to. But it still consumes me,  When I feel like I can’t talk about it with people I feel silenced.  I know it is not intentional. I know. I know people don’t like to talk about hard things.  I am that person too.  I love the fluff- life is so much easier in the fluff.  But that is not actually life.

My point is this- fill the damn silence.  However possible.  I am trying.  But I can’t do it aloneI want survivors, including myself, to be able to talk. Because prevention helps.  It makes a difference.  Knowing what to do after it happens makes a difference. Fill the damn silence.  The intention of this is nothing but that.